Monday, December 13, 2010

Lucky Cycle #5

Well, Here we are again cycle #5.  All I can say is that at least I have ovulated every month for the last 4 cycles and hopefully this cycle too.  Last cycle I had a "perfect" cycle.  I O'd cd14, I had excellent cm, I thought that we timed BD'ing really well, My LP which is normally 12days ended up being 14days......BUT still NO bfp.  I hate that you think everything is going so perfect and it ends so not perfect.  But I also found out that I had a vit D defiecieny as I wrote about last time and from my understanding that can affect your lining so even with out perfect cycle and our seemingly perfect timing, that could have been the reason for our bfn.  UGH....  So on to our 5th cycle.  Now when I say 5th cycle I mean the 5th cycle since our break....cuz really we have been ttc for going on 2.5yrs now ....at least as of Jan 2011 will be our 2.5yr mark.  Now cycle #5 I am doing femara again.  The only thing is that I am taking a lower dose this time.  I had a prescription for 7.5mgs of femara from earlier this year that I filled.  I decided to go with 5 mgs the first round to see how I responded and I responded beautifully.  I thought that my ob/gyn would be able to give me another RX for femara but there was a new PA that I had to see and she said that they no longer deal with the femara at all cuz it's off label use....WHAT!   So I have to go back to my RE to get more femara......but I can't afford the RE yet.....SO this cycle I only had 2.5mgs left of the femara so that is all I can use this month.  I am still hoping that I will still respond to it.  I did up my royal jelly this cycle to 2000mgs in hopes that will help my body respond just as well to the lower dose of femara.    

SO I am praying that my combo of femara, royal jelly, metformin, and Vit D is going to be my magic combo.  FX'd


I also found out on the day before AF showed that my BFF is preg.  She wasn't trying to get preg and has said on more than one occassion that she didn't want her own children.  She also knew that we had been trying for over 2yrs.  Needless to say I felt disappointed about it.  She said that she is happy and I want to be happy for her and supportive of her cuz I know that she is scared but I feel sad for myself.  I think that is the key is that the disappointment isn't that she is pregnant it is that I am NOT......I am disappointed that she announced her unplanned pregnancy and I am NOT announcing my very planned for pregnancy.  I feel disappointed that it is her that is pregnant and not me.  I feel bad that I feel this way but I can't help it I have been trying for over 2 yrs and she didn't try at all.  

Lucky Cycle #5.....here we go!!!!    FX'd  and saying my prayers.  :-)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Vitamin D and Fertility

Well last week on Monday I went in and had my annual exam.  It was a very weird  experience for me and I have decided not to continue going to this doctor and to try to find a new one.  Well anyways, they took blood to check routines things such as cholesterol...ect. 

 I got a call this last Monday (so a week later) and was told that I have a Vitamin D deficiency.....not just low but deficient and they wanted me to take a prescription strength Vit. D supplement.  Ok so no big deal.  I go to the pharmacy to get my prescription and it is for 50,000 units of vit D per week and according to the pharmacist they only prescibe this high of a dosage when your levels are critically low.....so now I have moved from just being deficient to critically low.  UGH. 

Well I know I have heard in the past about Vit D deficiencies but I have never really paid much attention to it as I just assumed my levels must be fine.....I mean after all I have spent thousands of dollars getting testing done at the RE's office which included vials upon vials of blood being drawn.  The 1st time they took blood they drew 7 vials of blood.  I mean you would think that they would have tested my vitamin levels afterall they wasted some of my blood and money to test my blood type which I already knew because I have a daughter and they have to know what blood type you are when you get preg and I also happen to be O- so I have to get special shots when I am preg becuause of this.  I told the RE what my blood type was but apparently my word was not good enough and she had to make sure of it anyways....   sorry about the slight off topic rant......back to the subject of Vit D

So in light of this new information....I had decided to find out more information about.  Well come to find out that having a Vit D deficiency can CAUSE fertility probs.  It upsets the balance of your hormones and can cause irregular cycles as well as problems with ovulation.  Along, with these issues it can cause lining issues so that your lining does not form properly to allow for implantation of a fertilized egg if you had even managed to ovulate at all.

I found a couple interesting articles about Vit D and Fertility and it seems that this could be my missing ingredient.  The symptoms fit me perfectly.  I have missing or delayed ovulation and irregular cycles. 

Vit D deficiencies can cause problems with ovulation in that it can be the reason for a lack of ovulation. The first article specifically mentions PCOS and that taking Vit D can improve the symptoms of PCOS including acne, excess hair and increased weight. The second article also mentions PCOS and also talks about other affects on fertility.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/women_shealth/3434420/Vitamin-D-can-aid-fertility.html


http://www.gettingpregnantnow.org/Articles/The_Fertility_Nutrient__Vitamin_D.html


http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art62381.asp
 
 
 
I have huge hopes that this is going to help me achieve the one thing that I want the most........Getting Pregnant.    I hope that I am not disappointed again.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Cycle #4

I am on the 4th cycle since coming off my bcp break and this cycle I took 5mgs of femara cd3-7.  This has been the best cycle ever!!!!!   My ovaries haven't ached the whole cycle....I believe that I actually felt O on CD 14......YES cd 14 I ovulated.  I got +OPK's cd13 and cd14 and FF gave me solid crosshairs on cd14 the day I believe I felt O.   I believe that it was O cuz like I said my ovaries haven't ached at all they have felt pretty inactive in comparison to other cycles and I was driving to the airport and all of a sudden I got this really big kind of sharp pain in my ovary area...it didn't last long only a couple mins and then it was gone and I haven't felt that again.  My DD was out of town over the weekend at her dad's house so DH and I had the place all to ourselves.....so needless to say we got plenty of BD'ing done.    So I have O'd earlier than I ever have, my ovaries seem to be pretty silent except for O, and our timing was perfect.  On top of that, my DH who pinched several nerves in his back in June, which has prevented him from completing his job when it's been time to perform due to pain.....had hardly any pain this weekend and there was even a couple days that we DTD more than once and he had no probs finishing!!!!!!!   Now all I need is a BFP and this will be a perfect cycle......oh god I hope I don't jinx myself.......but I am so excited about this cycle and the hope that it brings and I have really high hopes right now.   I pray that I am not disappointed.  I just know this is going to be the month!!! (hopefully) .....  ;-)  I plan on testing next tuesday Nov 30....which will be 10dpo and I just realized as I typed that date.....which was my Dad's B-day.....maybe this is a good sign.....sigh...tears.....  KMFX

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Finally

Well this ttc journey is a hard one.  Is it any harder than the weightloss journey...not really..but it is more emotional.  I am on my 3rd cycle after my 5 month bcp break and this is historically the cycle that is longer and is where my cycles began to get all wacky again.  Well this 3rd cycle is no different than anyother 3rd cycle that I have had.  The 1st 2 cycles I O'd around cd20 well this cycle O is somewhere between cd29 and 31, so substantially later.    Now I have had a couple coincendental things happen this cycle so it makes me wonder.  First, I tried to take soy in hopes that it would up my O date but instead it was alot later.  Now was this the fault of the soy or is this the curse of the 3rd month.  haha.   Also, since I hadn't O'd by cd28 I had given up on this cycle and started prometrium to try to bring on AF so I could move onto a new cycle.  Well I then got a +OPK on cd29....again is this a coincedience or did taking the prometrium help bring on that elusive O???   I will never know.    So here I am now CD32 and have O'd sometime between cd29 to 31 and am officially in the 2ww.    I am praying that with all the weirdness of this cycle that this will be my cycle and I will finally after more than 2 years get that elusive bfp.  So here's to the 2ww and what it may bring. 

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Why me??

This is a question that I have asked so many times and I know many others have asked this question as well.  But in truth ---  Why should it not be me??  Why am I so much better than anybody else who is effected by infertility or anything of a serious nature.  I think that many people think that things like infertility, serious illnesses, accidents, ect don't really happen to them or to people close to them, but in reality it can happen to anybody.  I am an average American girl, who desires a family, who wants a good job, good friends, and surrounded by love.  We all have our own struggles, but it is how we handle them that set us apart.  I sit here this week feeling sorry for myself about not having a permanant job, about not being able to get pregnant so easily, about struggling with my weight and wonder when or IF things will get better.  ( NO I don't suffer from depression but I think we all go through our moments of feeling down)  

As I have been sitting here feeling sorry for myself I was flipping through the channels of late night television and stopped on Joel Osteen.  He is talking about speaking faith into your life and using your words to uplift you.  He is talking about how when you speak words of defeat you are going to live a life of defeat.  Now this message isn't too much different than his other messages and I am big fan of Joel and listen to him quite frequently but for some reason that evening his words were ringing loud and clear in my ears.

Now I haven't talked about faith before but truth be known my faith is GREAT.  I am a fairly new believer as I was baptized about 3.5years ago and have been building a relationship with GOD since then.  Now I have always been a believer but I never knew the Lord or had a relationship with him nor did I know what that meant.  Where my faith is Great my Obidence hasn't always been as strong as it should be.  I have found myself in the last week reading more of my Bible and finding scripture to help me through these difficult times.  I know that God will bring me through this time just as he has brought me through so many other very difficult times.  My husband has constantly told me to be patient that things will happen in GOD's time and not mine.  This is hard for me to wrap my mind around......as a person we want to control things and it is hard to hand over the reigns to someone including GOD but as a child of God that is what I must do, hand GOD the reigns and believe that he will fulfill the desires of my heart and lead me in his direction. 

Now Joel was talking about things that are close to my heart such as weightloss and infertility and was giving examples of people who turned their attitude around and put their faith in GOD and started speaking faith into their lives and positive affirmations about themselves.  I decided right then that I am no longer going to speak negitivly about myself as I have so often done in the past.  This is a hard habit to break but I am determined to do it.  I also remember and give thanks everyday for the many wonderful blessings that I do have in my life.  I have a wonderful husband who loves ME so much and would do just about anything for me.  I have a beautiful daughter that loves ME so much.  I love where we live and the live that we have together.    I think that part of my feeling sorry for myself is that I do not love myself the way that I should.  When I look in the mirror I don't see the wonderful things that my husband and daughter see......I see this fat person who can't find a job or have a baby looking back at me.  This woman who is sad because she is not happy with the way she looks or the fact that she is struggling to conceive and struggling to find a job.   I think his is why Joel's message hit me so hard.  He reminded me that I was made in the image of the Lord and the Lord loves me just as I am as he is the one who created me. 

One of the things that I have started to do is to read scripture to remind me of the Lord's love for me and to remind myself that I should be happy with who I am.  One of the passages that I found was:     "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14


I know that this is a much deeper subject than my other posts but it is something that I needed to put out there in the open if only for myself.  I think that when it is out there like this than it is harder to continue to lie to yourself.  I am usually a positive person but it has just seemed that so many things go wrong at one time and it is hard to stay positive.  But I believe that you must go through hard times to enjoy the good times and to be able to apprieciate GOD for the wonder that he is and for the blessings he gives you. 

My once again new outlook is to give it over to GOD and trust that he knows what he is doing....  :)

"Give your worries to the Lord, and he will take care of you."  Psalm 55:22

Friday, September 17, 2010

Dogs....mans best friend?????

Ok, so we got this dog in June.  First....I had wanted a dog for awhile but our jobs and life in general it was just never a good time to get one. So last year when I lost my job and didn't find another one I thought this would be a great time to get a dog.  So, last Oct. we found this wonderful little girl cocker spaniel.  She was so sweet and soooo good and we just feel in love with her.  Well shortly after we got her she started getting sick...thought it was allergies at first but it progressed.  We took her to the vet and the vet suspected distemper but wasn't sure and said that she definately had pnemonia (sp?)  so we treated her for that.  Well she never got better and actaully got so bad she couldn't even stand on her own....IT WAS TERRIBLE.  We took her to the humane society vet (this is were we got her from) and they told us that she definately had distemper and she was so far along that there was nothing that could be done for her and she had to be put down....this happened right before christmas.  We were extremely sad.  

Humane society said that would let us get another dog and of course not charge us for it.  So we looked and we looked and we weren't finding one and asked about a refund.  However, we decided we would hold off till summer and try one more time.  Well, that brings me to June!!

We went back becuz online it looked like there was several cocker spaniel dogs available there so we wanted to see them.  Since the little dog we lost was a cocker spaniel we felt that this was a good dog for us.  Well, we looked at the cocker spaniels....tried to anyways...the 2 we were interested in growled at us before we even got to take it out of the kennel to look at.  But we found this other dog, it was a smaller dog and was labeled spaniel so we took him out and he seemed really sweet.  We looked at a few other dogs but ended up getting this one dog we thought was sweet.  He is a brittney spaniel mix and one of those mixes seems to be rat terrier.  He was really good when we first brought him home and was very clingy to me.  But the newness wore off and he became comfortable with us and his devious side has slowly but surely come out. 

We first had to break him of barking.  Took about a week but he doesn't bark when we leave any more.  We tried to let him sleep on a blanket (dog bed) at night but he likes to chew things.....and when I say chew things I mean he likes to chew MY things, with the exception of a few things that he has gotten ahold of such as a whole box of condoms.  Now you might think....why in the heck do you have condoms....I thought you were ttc???  Well we are ttc, so we don't need them anymore, they are just left over from when we were preventing and they are over 2 years old so probably close to expiring anyways......It's just that....well try explaining exactly what this is that the dog chewed up and is now littered all over the bedroom floor to a 6 almost 7 year old who is curious about everything herself.  NOT fun.    He's chewed up a toothbrush, shoe laces, and more.   Oh and the couple of boxes that I had stored under the bed  he decided must belong to him cuz they were under the bed and appartently that is HIS space so he shredded....yes shredded the boxes.  Hard to vacuum under a bed that you can't move without taking the mattresses off the bed. 

I think that this dog is out to get me.  He is now clingy to my husband, but probably because I am the one who spanks the dog cuz it is always my stuff he chews.  But the actually tried to kill me....he tripped me going down the outside cement stairs and I feel down a half of flight of stairs bruising my whole right side of my body and slightly twisting my left foot.  

Not to mention when we go for a walk he is a maniac.....he runs as fast as he can until the end of the leash snatches him back and then he does it again.   He PEES on eveerything!!!  This is why I hate boy dogs.  He also goes crazy when he sees other dogs.  He is 17lbs and thinks that he is 100lbs and can take on any dog out there.  Little dog syndrone I guess.  My husband doesn't understand how a dog with no nuts thinks his balls are bigger than the pits that our cop neighbor raises and trains.  LOL

Now this sweet little dog is jumping up onto the table and eating my daughters food that she has left on the table cuz she went to the bathroom or what have you.  UGH just another bad habit to have to break. 

Oh......did I tell you he is just a puppy about a year old now....so we got him at about 9 months. 

He can be sweet and loves to be loved on but oh my gosh why does he have to be such a pain in the ass??

So.....dogs...mans best friend...I think not!!!   but I think that we will keep him around anyways. 

Sorry about the off topic rant....but i had to get that off my chest.  :)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

OFF track....trying to get back on!!!

Well, I guess it's been a while since I wrote.  There has been so many things that have been going on in the last couple months.  First we moved from one apartment to another larger apartment.....it was one of the most traumatic moves ever.  Friends tried to help us but almost killed us...lol.   Anyways....we got it done.  Then we had to move all my teaching supplies that were in storage to our new apartment because I still do not have a teaching job but at least I am saving money on storing my things.  Kaley came home from her dad's house 2days before school started and I had to get her school supplies and school clothes on tax free weekend....YUCK!!!!  

The biggest change is that I am no longer on my ttc break and we are back ttc again.  The break was 5 months long and this is now the 2nd month trying again.  I am in the middle of the 2nd almost "normal" cycle where I have ovulated both months.....YEAH!!!!   I hope that this is the month that it finally happens for us and our long 2 year ttc journey will come to an end.....here's to hopeful wishing.  I am also hoping that we can get pregnant before deciding we have to go back to the doc's to get extra help and I think that as long as I am ovulating that I am going at this au naturale, so we will see what happens. 

I only lost a total of 24lbs....am I happy with that???  Absolutely!!  do I think I should have done better and lost more???  of course, but I am thankful that I lost anything.   I know that if I would have been better about sticking to my plan in the first place than I probably would have lost more.....but that is just life and I am ok with it. 

Time to get back on track and start a new plan:   My new plan is to watch what I eat and start walking again.  It is finally starting to cool back down...not much but a little bit and hopefully enough that it will be bearable to walk again.  I think that this is the best plan I can have because IF we get pregnant I will be able to stick to it as both things are alright during pregnancy. 

Friday, June 25, 2010

Life at the Beach

Well today has been an interesting day.  My husband who has hurt his shoulder had two doctors appointments today.  One in the morning and one later in the afternoon.  Well the first one was close to home and we ended up with 3 hours between appointments.  Well you may think no big deal go home take a nap, do a few things, talk a walk on the beach, but no we had no stairs!!   We live in an apartment and on the second floor and we had NO stairs!!!!!!   That is our apartment upstairs on the left. 
NO STAIRS!!

So we killed some time by going to lunch and then hanging out at one of our friends house for awhile.  Well we left the house at 9am and by the time we got home they weren't even close to being finished.  In fact, the picture above was from 430p.  Well we had no where to go and just wanted to be able to go upstairs so we could one be in the A/C and two watch TV.  Well the workers didn't really speak English, our office staff had decided to leave for the day(which is totally typical of them), and our maintence(who would have a ladder) was no where to be found.   So my wonderful and hurt husband decided to climb up the back balcony, which was no easy feat and go through the sliding door (cuz we never lock it) and get the card to call the emergancy number for the office.  I thought that he was going to kill himself or at least add another injury to the 2 that he has already.  However, he got up there and after some words between us he found the card that I left on the living room table instead of putting back on the fridge.  I called the number and of course no answer.  Luckily I saw the maintence man and was able to communicate with him that we had no stairs and would like a ladder.  He went to check on it and 15 mins later came back with a ladder.  My little one went up first with her no fear self and I followed closely behind holding both her drinks with my purse wrapped around my neck.  UGH!  Well at least we were home.  Well, the next problem comes to the dog!!!!  He hasn't been walked since this morning and there is no way I can get him down that ladder to walk him so my option??   to put him out on the balcony and try to convince him he won't get a spanking for doing his business out there......not an easy feat, he didn't like this option.  Well it's 11pm at night and they are still working!!! and they are at the top now putting on the railing and it is supper loud of course it's Kaley's bedtime and there is no way she is going to fall asleep!

Tomorrow we have no plans to be in the car as it is extremely painful for my husband with his injuries, so we hope to go to the beach.  Oh yeah, our beach right now has 3 feet of sea grass....how delightful...life at the beach..gotta love it!!!!!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Goal # 2

Well, I am on my way to completing goal #2.  It has been taking longer than I had hoped to lose weight but I am losing at a rate of 1-2lbs per week.  Nothing to really complain about.  But now in this Biggest Loser Era I want to lose weight faster!!!!  However, do I really want to commit to working out 6 hours a day to lose the amount of weight that they do.....NO of course not.  I want to be able to exercise my 60-90 mins when I do exercise and count my calories and for it to be enough, but in reality it is not.  If I want bigger results I have to put in the extra effort.  I was going to start doing that this week but something was always happening to distract me from exercising.  The truth is that since I got home from Disney World I haven't actually been out even walking.  It's only been 10days but enough is enough time to get back out there.  Luckily I have still been losing weight.  I am now down officially 24lbs total but since I have begun this journey this time in March 2010 I have lost 19lbs.  That is in 12 weeks.  I hoped to have been down closer to 30lbs in that amount of time but I am happy with the lose.  Oh well. 

So I was watching Jillian Michael's latest show where she moves into someone's home for a week.....mostly out of complete boredom as there was nothing else on......but the one that I caught this lady lost 32lbs in 6 weeks.  That is a little over 5lbs a week.  Now she was a single working mom so you know that she wasn't working out 6 hours a day.  It showed that she worked out in the morning, maybe every morning and then ran after work with her co-workers 3 days a week.  The problem with these types of shows is that it doesn't show everything that they really do or what types of foods that they eat.  I know. I know.  low fat, low carb, calorie restricted type diets with whole grains.....blah blah blah.   WHY is it that all the people on these types of shows just happen to like any kind of vegtable that they are given....YUCK is what I say to that.  Now I know that they are good for you and I should be eating more and I do like some veggies but just some.  Why can't they put people on these shows that are like that and show how they can accomplish weightloss or can overcome there aversion to veggies.   I don't know what to do about that problem.  The other thing that I struggle with is no matter how much I watch my calories and no matter how good I am doing I still have a craving for sweets.....especially ice cream.  Now my craving isn't as bad as it used to be but I still like to have sweets and like I said especially ice cream.  On these shows it always seems that they never have this struggle with sweets either and they just have this epithany about not eating them and how they are bad for them.  Anyways, that enough of my little rant for now. 

In the end I am still doing good as I am still losing weight, which has been my goal.  I never put a time limit on reaching my goal so I have to just celebrate what I have done so far.  I would really like to lose that same 30lbs that lady I saw did in the next 6 weeks.  I don't know if it is really possible but I am going to give it a good shot.  My plan is to workout in the morning at the little office gym.  Take my little one swimming for a little while in the afternoon and then walk in the evening with the dog after my husband gets home.  We will see if I actually do all this, but it is the plan.  Oh and by the way the little leaves for the rest of the summer in a couple weeks so I probably won't even go to the pool after she does.   Also, I have a birthday coming up in about 3 weeks. 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

3 down, 2 to go

Well after this week I will have finished my 3rd month on the Pill and have only 2 months left.  I am so excited about this and have told my poor husband several times.  Don't want to put any pressure on him but I can't help being excited.....LOL.  I am down 20lbs, which I know that I could have a done better but I am still excited about it.  I have walked a lot and watched my calories for the most part.  My plan for the summer now that school is almost out is to step up the work outs.  I plan on working out in the apartment gym during the day, taking my little one swimming often, and then walking in the evening after my husband gets home.  I would really like to lose another 30lbs before I go off the Pill.  It may be an unrealistic goal but I really think that if I try really hard that it can be done.    Besides that, my little experience with trying on stupid clothes has motivated me even more than ever.  

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Derailed???

Well it's that terrible time of year again where you transition from pants to shorter pants.   For me, I don't like shorts, I would rather wear capris or something like that.  I don't like showing my legs becuase I feel like it's my worst feature.  So even though I have lost a total of 20lbs, 15 of which since I begun this particular journey....I still do not fit into ANYTHING it seems.  

Why is it that trying on clothes can derail your success faster than anything else????  I hate clothes shopping!!!!!   I hate looking at myself in the mirror especially when I realize that the size I just tried on is still a little tight.  I hate that somethings like kahkis NEVER look good on me....they just make my butt and thighs look even bigger.  I hate walking through the mall and seeing all the wonderful clothing stores there that I can't shop at.  They might as well have a huge neon sign that says this way to the FAT WOMAN"S store.  And even that store doesn't seem to have the size I need....cause they are ALL out.   Now I wonder if that is becuz the majority of fat women are a size 18/20 or they just don't carry that many of this size.  Now they did have an over abdundance of size 14.    IF or WHEN I am a size 14 I will NOT be shopping in the FAT woman's store I will be going to all those other wonderful stores such as the GAP as I would be able to fit into those clothes.  

Now Lane Bryant has revamped some of their sizes in some of their clothes lines so that it is sizes 1-8 or something like that.  I think they did that to help make us fat women feel better about ourselves, but in acutallity all it does is mess with my mind and then when I go to buy something in regular size 18-24's I am not really 100% sure what size I actually wear.  I have gone down from a size 6 to their size 5 and so when I thought I would try on capris I naturally grabbed a size 18 which was very WRONG.  I barely buttoned and zipped the size 20 but I refused to have to go into a size 22.   Then when I went to JCP's I grabbed a 20 and well I got it up over my butt but there was absolutely positively no flipping way that zipper was going up!!!!!!  EEEEKKKK!!!!!   WTH?????  So, therefore not only is their new sizes screwed up but their regular sizes are somewhat more generous than they probably should. 

I have come to the realization and understanding of why I like LOVE buying shoes!!!!    I can always find the right size and a pair that not only fit but look cute on my feet.  I always feel that there is plenty of choices and I can go to any shoe store and find shoes that fit my feet.....I do not have to shop at a FAT woman's shoe shop. 

I walked out of both stores empty handed feeling like SH** and completely disappointed in myself.   Longing even more for a time when I can just go to a regular store and buy clothes and no longer see the fat unhappy self that I am.  Guess what the was the first thing that I did after I left those shops???   I got myself a Rootbeer and a pretzel.  Boy were they good, but now I have to get back on the track and not allow this depressing experience DERAIL the progress that I have made.

I have to be proud of myself for the accomplishments that I have made and the 1st goal that I have reached.   I have to remember that this is a long journey and that I have to celebrate all the small steps along the way.  So HURRAY I have lost 15lbs since I have started this journey!!!   I now weigh 2lbs less than I did when I began teaching. 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Within My Grasp

Well my first weightloss goal is within my grasp.  My first goal remember was to lose 14lbs.  I actually reached that goal and was on my way to working on my next goal but I was side tracked by LIFE.  It seems that the truth about alcohol is that it in fact can derail your weightloss goals.   I had a wonderful weekend with my wonderful husband and enjoyed the weather that comes along with living at the beach and it included having a few Margaritas.  Now I am not a heavy drinker nor do I drink that often, but a good margarita with salt on the rim is hard to resist.  Unfortunately those wonderful Margaritas equaled a gain of 3lbs.  Yes that is right 3lbs back on.  So that goal that I met and was so proud of went right through my fingers and out the door.  Now I have to work extra hard to retake of those extra pounds and keep the weightloss going.  Now I know some of that weight is water weight becuase of the extra salt but it goes to show just how empty those alcohol calories are and just how determental they can be to anyone's weightloss.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I also went to my favorite restaurant -- The Olive Garden, with my daughter.  We had a good time and enjoyed each others company and if I would have had just the salad and split the lasagna with her I would have been just fine.   But instead I ordered my favorite appetizer, the smoke mozerella fonduta.  YUM!!! and I ate the whole thing!!  So that might have actually been the culprit to the 3 lbs weight gain but I don't really regret it.  I think that sometimes you have to give in to your temptations in order to stay on track with your goals.  Now am I happy about a 3lb gain that I have to re-lose?  Of course not.  My goal was right there in my hand and I was well on my way to meeting the next goal just to let it slip away.  It is still within my grasp and I will meet it and exceed it and never look back. Oh and by the way, I have lost one of those pounds so my initial goal is within my grasp and 1 lb away. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Road Blocks

It seems that no matter where you go or what you do there are always road blocks. Some just slow your progress and others detour you all together, the worst of all are the ones that just stop you in your tracks with no end in sight. It seems that this is true no matter what you try to do in life whether it is trying to lose weight, get pregnant, go to school, get a job, ect..... Even though road blocks are just a part of life it is how you handle them that define you.

Well today I ran into one of those road blocks. First, I want to say that I have been staying on track and moving right along on my weightloss journey. I have been walking almost everyday and meeting my 11,000 steps a day goal. I have been counting calories and for the most part have been right where I need to be. I am down 13lbs since the beginning of this particular journey but down a total of 17lbs since about DEC09. Anyways, back to my road block. Today I went out for my walk like I always do.....I was ready to go, had my tennis shoes on, my display monitor on, my ipod with all my favorite walking songs and I was out the door. Now I have been working really hard and I was going to be a little easier on myself today and not walk quite as far cuz I had my wonderful husband and sassy little girl waiting for me to come back and join them at the pool. I set out and get across the field, across the busy road and was heading up around the new condos on my way to the beach and then there it was........my road block. I couldn't breathe. At first I thought maybe I went up the hill too fast and just needed to catch my breathe so I kept walking but very slowly in an attempt to catch my breathe. I stopped once to again try to catch my breathe and then got up and tried to keep going. I kept thinking that I could just walk through this and I would be fine but only a few steps later I realized that I had to turn around and get home before this got worse. I turned around and started heading home. It was the longest half mile ever. I didn't know if I was going to make it. I didn't have my phone on me and even if I did who was I going to call?? I knew my wonderful husband wouldn't have his phone on him either. So I kept on pushing. I saw the road. I got across it. I got threw the field and was finally at my steps. I was bracing myself and trying to catch a little breathe before I tackled my stairs when I saw the best thing ever walking towards me.....my sassy little girl. I sat down and asked her to run upstairs as quick as her little legs could take her and bring me my purse. I was in tears by the time this all ended and my chest was incredibly sore. Finally, relief.

My road block = ASTHMA

I had an asthma attack...out of the blue with no warning. Isn't that the way that most road blocks sneak up on us....with no warning.

I have had asthma since I was 8 years old and I had these attacks frequently as a child. Some were so bad my inhaler sometimes didn't relieve them . However, as an adult my asthma isn't that bad. I rarely have an attack and in fact can't even remember the last one that I have had. I rarely use my inhaler, it usually lasts me over a year many times longer. I have not been taking my inhaler with me walking since I started and I certainly have not needed it before. I was caught so off guard by this road block that I didn't even realize what it was until it was almost too late. If I kept going I don't know that I would have made it home. I am glad that my brain finally clicked and realized that this was an asthma attack and I needed to get my still rather large butt home.

Now the question is.......How am I going to handle this??? Well, I will tell you this for sure...I am NOT going to let this slow me down on my weightloss journey. Like I said I haven't had one of these things in ages and one attack isn't going to make me stop. I will patiently work through this. I feel that once I lose weight my asthma will become even more manageable to even somewhat nonexistant. My plan for now is to stuff my inhaler into my bra and keep on walking. It's just one more thing to add to my walking equipment and it is one that I hope that I will not have to use again, but I do not want to find myself in this kind of situation again.

So with this road block down I will be armed and ready to face anymore that may come my way.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Management?!?!?!?!

Well, it's been awhile since I updated but it is almost the end of April...April 29th to be exact and I am down 11lbs and am 3 lbs away from reaching my first goal. That alone is very exciting!!!! I can do this.....I can, I can, I know I can!!!!! That is what I always tell my students when they start complaining that they can't do something......so I am going to practice what I preach.

So, I am walking almost everyday. I read somewhere that it takes 30days to create a new habit so even though I took today off....I feel that it is important that I do walk everyday so that it does become a habit. I want exercise and eating well to be my way of life and the only way for this to happen is by being consistentant. It is funny that I am saying that now because it is a lesson that I learned the hard way last year as a teacher. Consistency is the key to management......management of your life, management of your weight, management of you health, and management of your classroom!!!

I am excited about my progress and have so many aspirations as I continue to progress. I want to be able to ride a bike again. I would love to become a runner down the road.....I was always envious of those who could run since I have had asthma since childhood and running has always been difficult. However, it is not as bad as an adult as it was as a child so I feel with the weight loss that it would be a manageable thing to do. There is that word again....management. I am thinking that the theme of this post is management.

Management is a funny thing. You must have it to avoid choas but there are so many things in life that we mismanage such as our weight. The what happens when we mis-manage something is that it spirals out of control and most of the time you don't even realize it. One day I was a healthy 150 and then next day I woke up and out of the blue was 225lbs.......whoa what happened??? Mismanagement that's what happened.

Well, I have gotten completely off track with this post......The point was that I have been having success. I am on my way to meeting my first goal and on to the next.

May has a lot of great things to come. More weightloss, alot more work...yeah, and our trip to Disney World. I pray that a job will come or some kind of opportunity.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Sucess?!?!?!?!

I have been monitoring my calorie intake and reaching, for the most part, my 10000 steps goal and what do you know I am down 7lbs......half way to reaching my first goal!!!! I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning to see a 2lbs weightloss. I guess there may be something to this after all. I was initially wanting to do a low-gi food plan and I still try to monitor my carb intake but I haven't stuck to the low-gi thing. Ever since I got my bodybugg, which I love by the way, I have just been concentrating on calorie intake and how many calories I burn. I have been walking or using my wii just about everyday. I admit I have been slaking a little the last couple of days.....but my excuse.....I have been working everyday this week except yesterday because I had an exam to take, which I passed.

There is that word...excuse. We've all made them and we all have them. Why is it that we make excuses???? Well, they seem to give us a free pass to get out of things or not do the things we should be doing. But who are we really hurting with our....or my excuses??? I give my excuses to my wonderful husband or my adorable daughter but in the end I am only hurting myself. They are not the ones that need to lose weight.....I am. It doesn't hurt my husband if I don't go on my walk........He would love for me to lose weight......but my excuses don't hurt him. So, my goal for the remainder of this month is to stop the excuses and just get the walking done. I really want to meet this first goal and my second goal before we go to Disney world.

I have been having good success with my bodybugg because I have lost this 7 lbs in 2.5 weeks and I am well on my way to meeting my first goal, which is exciting.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

10000 steps!!!

So the first week of this new journey seemed to be going pretty good....I lost a pound and I was sticking to this low-gi food plan. Well then here comes spring break.....and welll......you probably guessed it.....I blew it...I gained back that 1lb plus a couple more so.....I was not only back to were I started I now had 16lbs to lose to meet my goal instead of 14. URG!!! So my brilliant idea was to not only track my calories but I decided to buy a bodybugg...you know those armband things that they were on the biggest loser. My thought was that maybe this way I will be held accountable for my activity throughout the day or rather my lack of activity. One of the things that this nifty little device does is it works as a pedometer and my goal, as of right now, is to get in 10,000 steps a day. Well, at first this seemed impossible....I mean really how far does one have to walk to get this ridiculous amount of steps in? I was falling short and by the way I wasn't really exercising. So, I have started walking for at least 60 mins every day and I seem to be able to hit this mark, especially if I have a job that day. Well, today with going to the park and walking on the beach, albeit leisurly, I still have not reached my mark. I am at 9758 at 11pm. I have found myself trying to come up with whatever I can to just reach this goal. I go the long way through the apartment to reach the kitchen or walk around the parimeter of the kitchen to throw something in the trash. Now, really how many extra calories does this really burn?? What is the point of this really?? I think for me it is just accomplishing a goal and being consistent with it. If I can reach this outrageous goal of 10,000 steps a day maybe, just maybe I will be able to reach that first goal of losing 14lbs and then the second goal of losing another 14lbs and so on. I am hoping for a domino effect. Oh, and by the way.....I have lost those extra 2lbs plus am down another 2lbs since acquiring this little device. Must be working.

Maybe this is all in my head or maybe this little gadget is really helping...either way it seems to be giving me the motivation that I need to get up and exercise, which is something that I was struggling with. So here I go, walking towards my 10, 000 steps and even more important reaching my weightloss goals.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Plan

Well as of yesterday I am back on the pill and I started my new weight loss journey. I have decided to go with a type of a low-GI food plan....this is supposed to be the best for those of us with PCOS. It's supposed to help lessen the symptoms of PCOS and help in the weight loss process. As you may or may not know it is extremely difficult for pcosers to lose weight....it's a double edged sword for us....losing weight helps with symptoms but it is extremely difficult task and pcos causes weight gain as most, not all, but most pcos women are overweight.....SUCKS huh? Well it's the cards that I have been dealt and I have been down this road so many times before....I have had some successes and many many disappointments. Now I am armed with information and the reasons that I have failed in the past. OH by the way I just found out that I have PCOS in Nov 08 and I am about 99.99% sure that I have been suffering from it for about 15years. Now that I know what I am up against, I can bring my best game to the plate and I feel confident that I WILL be successful. It's hard to fight the enemy if you don't know who or what the enemy is.

OK now that I have gone off subject.....The Plan:
I am eating a low-GI diet. I have a food list to refer to and a checklist that lists everything I am allowed to have each day. For example, It shows that I can have 2-3 proteins and when I have one I check the box off...when all the boxes are checked then I can't have any more of that item. I am not supposed to have sugar.....but if you know me then you know how hard that will be so in the nut/seed category I have chocolate covered peanuts and I have decided that as long as I stick to the one serving allowed then this is the one "cheat" I will allow myself as it will help me be able to stick to the food plan better. Eventually and slowly I will cut this back...I can't see never allowing myself something sweet again. My food plan will allow for 1300-1600 calories a day. So that is the food part, the next part is the Exercise part.....UH OH. LOL. I hate it but I have to do it if I want to meet my goals and if I want to become healthy. So the plan is to do it. I am thinking that I need to suck it up and go to my office gym.....hopefully they will be there when I can go. My goal to start out is at least 30mins but try for 1hour everyday 5-7 times per week. I heard that you need 330 minutes a week that is 1 hour a day for 5.5 days. So for now I will be working up to that much. So that's my plan, I think it's good and I pray that it works.

MY Goals:
My overall goal is to lose 142lbs......yeah you read that right 142lbs!!!!!
That's a whole person.....whew...I can do it. But I have to start smaller.
My other overall goal is to lose enough weight to be able to get pregnant a little easier....That is the reason however, the whole reason I began this journey. I have to take baby steps to be able to reach my goal without it being overwhelming. So I have mini-goals and I have created rewards for when I reach those goals as a way to keep me motivated.

So ONE step at a time: Mini goals:
Goal #1 lose 5% which = 14lbs Reward = A new pair of shoes
Goal #2 lose 10% which = 28lbs Reward = A new outfit
(goal 1 & 2 are cumulative)
Goal #3 lose 18lbs Reward = Earrings
Goal #4 break 200lbs!!! (22lbs) Reward = Bikes for me and Jim
Goal #5 lose 25lbs (175lbs) Reward = sign up for dancing lessons with Jim
Goal #6 lose 25lbs (150lbs) Reward = ??

Those are the goals I have for now......I haven't set goals to hit my goal weight yet becuz I am not sure if I should stay with the 25lbs for goal #7 or if I should make smaller goals at that point cuz I don't know how well the weight will be coming off at that time. So once I make it to goal 5 & 6 I will add more goals. Like I said it is one step at a time. I also haven't set time frames on completing my goals as I feel that puts on unnecessary pressure and if I don't meet my goal in that time frame then I will feel disappointed and feel like I have failed. I am trying to be successful this time, so I want to celebrate my successes no matter how long they take. Now, with that being said I don't want losing 14lbs taking 3 months.

That's the plan, goals, and rewards. I know that I can do it.

Yesterday was Day 1 of my plan. It was easier than I expected and I didn't eat all the food on my list. It did seem like quite a bit. My favorite part of my plan is that there is a whole category of foods that I can eat that are unlimited......YEAH UNLIMITED!!!!!!! Don't worry the list is a vegetable list......if you know me you are thinking UH OH.....BUT I promise that there is several on that list that I DO like such as lettuce and cucumbers and I can eat as much as I want. So, I think that is awesome cuz if I still feel hungry after I eat all the other foods there is still something that I can eat and I don't have to feel guilty about it at all. Day 1 so far so good!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

One door closes and another opens.......

Well the time has almost come to end our ttc journey....at least for a little while. We have been trying for 19 months with as many can tell no luck. So the decision was made to put this journey on hold and instead concentrate on losing some weight, in hope of that improving our chances when we start ttc again. This decision was not done lightly and didn't come easily. Having a child weighs heavy on the heart of many women including myself and especially of those who have difficulty. However, losing some weight should...at least we hope....help in that journey. I have given myself 6 months and will be going on the pill. This decision was made because I am paying for my health insurance out of pocket and it is so expensive so by not ttc any more I will be dropping the insurance...in hopes of saving some money. I will be looking for a new teaching position so I can also spend this time working on that. The biggest part of my decision is that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrone) and being on the pill will help control my symptoms and give my ovaries a well deserved rest....which again will hopefully help in ttc when we are ready to start trying again.

I will hopefully begin the pill on Sunday....just waiting for the dreaded af.....☺

So as one journey is ending...at least temporarily...another will be beginning. The new one will not be any less difficult than the first.