3 down, 2 to go

Well after this week I will have finished my 3rd month on the Pill and have only 2 months left.  I am so excited about this and have told my poor husband several times.  Don't want to put any pressure on him but I can't help being excited.....LOL.  I am down 20lbs, which I know that I could have a done better but I am still excited about it.  I have walked a lot and watched my calories for the most part.  My plan for the summer now that school is almost out is to step up the work outs.  I plan on working out in the apartment gym during the day, taking my little one swimming often, and then walking in the evening after my husband gets home.  I would really like to lose another 30lbs before I go off the Pill.  It may be an unrealistic goal but I really think that if I try really hard that it can be done.    Besides that, my little experience with trying on stupid clothes has motivated me even more than ever.  

Derailed???

Well it's that terrible time of year again where you transition from pants to shorter pants.   For me, I don't like shorts, I would rather wear capris or something like that.  I don't like showing my legs becuase I feel like it's my worst feature.  So even though I have lost a total of 20lbs, 15 of which since I begun this particular journey....I still do not fit into ANYTHING it seems.  

Why is it that trying on clothes can derail your success faster than anything else????  I hate clothes shopping!!!!!   I hate looking at myself in the mirror especially when I realize that the size I just tried on is still a little tight.  I hate that somethings like kahkis NEVER look good on me....they just make my butt and thighs look even bigger.  I hate walking through the mall and seeing all the wonderful clothing stores there that I can't shop at.  They might as well have a huge neon sign that says this way to the FAT WOMAN"S store.  And even that store doesn't seem to have the size I need....cause they are ALL out.   Now I wonder if that is becuz the majority of fat women are a size 18/20 or they just don't carry that many of this size.  Now they did have an over abdundance of size 14.    IF or WHEN I am a size 14 I will NOT be shopping in the FAT woman's store I will be going to all those other wonderful stores such as the GAP as I would be able to fit into those clothes.  

Now Lane Bryant has revamped some of their sizes in some of their clothes lines so that it is sizes 1-8 or something like that.  I think they did that to help make us fat women feel better about ourselves, but in acutallity all it does is mess with my mind and then when I go to buy something in regular size 18-24's I am not really 100% sure what size I actually wear.  I have gone down from a size 6 to their size 5 and so when I thought I would try on capris I naturally grabbed a size 18 which was very WRONG.  I barely buttoned and zipped the size 20 but I refused to have to go into a size 22.   Then when I went to JCP's I grabbed a 20 and well I got it up over my butt but there was absolutely positively no flipping way that zipper was going up!!!!!!  EEEEKKKK!!!!!   WTH?????  So, therefore not only is their new sizes screwed up but their regular sizes are somewhat more generous than they probably should. 

I have come to the realization and understanding of why I like LOVE buying shoes!!!!    I can always find the right size and a pair that not only fit but look cute on my feet.  I always feel that there is plenty of choices and I can go to any shoe store and find shoes that fit my feet.....I do not have to shop at a FAT woman's shoe shop. 

I walked out of both stores empty handed feeling like SH** and completely disappointed in myself.   Longing even more for a time when I can just go to a regular store and buy clothes and no longer see the fat unhappy self that I am.  Guess what the was the first thing that I did after I left those shops???   I got myself a Rootbeer and a pretzel.  Boy were they good, but now I have to get back on the track and not allow this depressing experience DERAIL the progress that I have made.

I have to be proud of myself for the accomplishments that I have made and the 1st goal that I have reached.   I have to remember that this is a long journey and that I have to celebrate all the small steps along the way.  So HURRAY I have lost 15lbs since I have started this journey!!!   I now weigh 2lbs less than I did when I began teaching. 

Within My Grasp

Well my first weightloss goal is within my grasp.  My first goal remember was to lose 14lbs.  I actually reached that goal and was on my way to working on my next goal but I was side tracked by LIFE.  It seems that the truth about alcohol is that it in fact can derail your weightloss goals.   I had a wonderful weekend with my wonderful husband and enjoyed the weather that comes along with living at the beach and it included having a few Margaritas.  Now I am not a heavy drinker nor do I drink that often, but a good margarita with salt on the rim is hard to resist.  Unfortunately those wonderful Margaritas equaled a gain of 3lbs.  Yes that is right 3lbs back on.  So that goal that I met and was so proud of went right through my fingers and out the door.  Now I have to work extra hard to retake of those extra pounds and keep the weightloss going.  Now I know some of that weight is water weight becuase of the extra salt but it goes to show just how empty those alcohol calories are and just how determental they can be to anyone's weightloss.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I also went to my favorite restaurant -- The Olive Garden, with my daughter.  We had a good time and enjoyed each others company and if I would have had just the salad and split the lasagna with her I would have been just fine.   But instead I ordered my favorite appetizer, the smoke mozerella fonduta.  YUM!!! and I ate the whole thing!!  So that might have actually been the culprit to the 3 lbs weight gain but I don't really regret it.  I think that sometimes you have to give in to your temptations in order to stay on track with your goals.  Now am I happy about a 3lb gain that I have to re-lose?  Of course not.  My goal was right there in my hand and I was well on my way to meeting the next goal just to let it slip away.  It is still within my grasp and I will meet it and exceed it and never look back. Oh and by the way, I have lost one of those pounds so my initial goal is within my grasp and 1 lb away. 

Road Blocks

It seems that no matter where you go or what you do there are always road blocks. Some just slow your progress and others detour you all together, the worst of all are the ones that just stop you in your tracks with no end in sight. It seems that this is true no matter what you try to do in life whether it is trying to lose weight, get pregnant, go to school, get a job, ect..... Even though road blocks are just a part of life it is how you handle them that define you.

Well today I ran into one of those road blocks. First, I want to say that I have been staying on track and moving right along on my weightloss journey. I have been walking almost everyday and meeting my 11,000 steps a day goal. I have been counting calories and for the most part have been right where I need to be. I am down 13lbs since the beginning of this particular journey but down a total of 17lbs since about DEC09. Anyways, back to my road block. Today I went out for my walk like I always do.....I was ready to go, had my tennis shoes on, my display monitor on, my ipod with all my favorite walking songs and I was out the door. Now I have been working really hard and I was going to be a little easier on myself today and not walk quite as far cuz I had my wonderful husband and sassy little girl waiting for me to come back and join them at the pool. I set out and get across the field, across the busy road and was heading up around the new condos on my way to the beach and then there it was........my road block. I couldn't breathe. At first I thought maybe I went up the hill too fast and just needed to catch my breathe so I kept walking but very slowly in an attempt to catch my breathe. I stopped once to again try to catch my breathe and then got up and tried to keep going. I kept thinking that I could just walk through this and I would be fine but only a few steps later I realized that I had to turn around and get home before this got worse. I turned around and started heading home. It was the longest half mile ever. I didn't know if I was going to make it. I didn't have my phone on me and even if I did who was I going to call?? I knew my wonderful husband wouldn't have his phone on him either. So I kept on pushing. I saw the road. I got across it. I got threw the field and was finally at my steps. I was bracing myself and trying to catch a little breathe before I tackled my stairs when I saw the best thing ever walking towards me.....my sassy little girl. I sat down and asked her to run upstairs as quick as her little legs could take her and bring me my purse. I was in tears by the time this all ended and my chest was incredibly sore. Finally, relief.

My road block = ASTHMA

I had an asthma attack...out of the blue with no warning. Isn't that the way that most road blocks sneak up on us....with no warning.

I have had asthma since I was 8 years old and I had these attacks frequently as a child. Some were so bad my inhaler sometimes didn't relieve them . However, as an adult my asthma isn't that bad. I rarely have an attack and in fact can't even remember the last one that I have had. I rarely use my inhaler, it usually lasts me over a year many times longer. I have not been taking my inhaler with me walking since I started and I certainly have not needed it before. I was caught so off guard by this road block that I didn't even realize what it was until it was almost too late. If I kept going I don't know that I would have made it home. I am glad that my brain finally clicked and realized that this was an asthma attack and I needed to get my still rather large butt home.

Now the question is.......How am I going to handle this??? Well, I will tell you this for sure...I am NOT going to let this slow me down on my weightloss journey. Like I said I haven't had one of these things in ages and one attack isn't going to make me stop. I will patiently work through this. I feel that once I lose weight my asthma will become even more manageable to even somewhat nonexistant. My plan for now is to stuff my inhaler into my bra and keep on walking. It's just one more thing to add to my walking equipment and it is one that I hope that I will not have to use again, but I do not want to find myself in this kind of situation again.

So with this road block down I will be armed and ready to face anymore that may come my way.