Derailed???

Well it's that terrible time of year again where you transition from pants to shorter pants.   For me, I don't like shorts, I would rather wear capris or something like that.  I don't like showing my legs becuase I feel like it's my worst feature.  So even though I have lost a total of 20lbs, 15 of which since I begun this particular journey....I still do not fit into ANYTHING it seems.  

Why is it that trying on clothes can derail your success faster than anything else????  I hate clothes shopping!!!!!   I hate looking at myself in the mirror especially when I realize that the size I just tried on is still a little tight.  I hate that somethings like kahkis NEVER look good on me....they just make my butt and thighs look even bigger.  I hate walking through the mall and seeing all the wonderful clothing stores there that I can't shop at.  They might as well have a huge neon sign that says this way to the FAT WOMAN"S store.  And even that store doesn't seem to have the size I need....cause they are ALL out.   Now I wonder if that is becuz the majority of fat women are a size 18/20 or they just don't carry that many of this size.  Now they did have an over abdundance of size 14.    IF or WHEN I am a size 14 I will NOT be shopping in the FAT woman's store I will be going to all those other wonderful stores such as the GAP as I would be able to fit into those clothes.  

Now Lane Bryant has revamped some of their sizes in some of their clothes lines so that it is sizes 1-8 or something like that.  I think they did that to help make us fat women feel better about ourselves, but in acutallity all it does is mess with my mind and then when I go to buy something in regular size 18-24's I am not really 100% sure what size I actually wear.  I have gone down from a size 6 to their size 5 and so when I thought I would try on capris I naturally grabbed a size 18 which was very WRONG.  I barely buttoned and zipped the size 20 but I refused to have to go into a size 22.   Then when I went to JCP's I grabbed a 20 and well I got it up over my butt but there was absolutely positively no flipping way that zipper was going up!!!!!!  EEEEKKKK!!!!!   WTH?????  So, therefore not only is their new sizes screwed up but their regular sizes are somewhat more generous than they probably should. 

I have come to the realization and understanding of why I like LOVE buying shoes!!!!    I can always find the right size and a pair that not only fit but look cute on my feet.  I always feel that there is plenty of choices and I can go to any shoe store and find shoes that fit my feet.....I do not have to shop at a FAT woman's shoe shop. 

I walked out of both stores empty handed feeling like SH** and completely disappointed in myself.   Longing even more for a time when I can just go to a regular store and buy clothes and no longer see the fat unhappy self that I am.  Guess what the was the first thing that I did after I left those shops???   I got myself a Rootbeer and a pretzel.  Boy were they good, but now I have to get back on the track and not allow this depressing experience DERAIL the progress that I have made.

I have to be proud of myself for the accomplishments that I have made and the 1st goal that I have reached.   I have to remember that this is a long journey and that I have to celebrate all the small steps along the way.  So HURRAY I have lost 15lbs since I have started this journey!!!   I now weigh 2lbs less than I did when I began teaching.